The past and the present.

Dear folks,
The geni tree that seems to be growing rapidly despite our convoluted
relationships has taken me back in time. I have been feeling a rush of
memories that I wanted to share with you all. I am reminded of my
childhood life in Madras with my grandparents. They indulged in me a
lot and gave me so much love which I cherish. I had people of my own
age group downstairs and we all went to rosary matriculation in a
rikshaw. How we enjoyed the ride. Mangalamba used to be in the
neighboring St. Thomas convent. I used to go and see her sometimes
during the recess. I always had a band of people following me and I
always was a leader in my grandmom's home. In the upstairs of the
mowbrays gate road, there was a huge blackboard that we used often to
play "teacher-student game". I was always the teacher. We used to
conduct exhibitions with a lot of stalls in my grandmom's home, which
yogi and jayashree used to visit. So simple were our desires. I had a
great childhood.

After a few years of living with my grandparents, I moved closer to
Kuppu perippas house and stayed with a lot of my cousins. My mom used
to write skits for the plays and we all had great fun enacting them.
With the geni tree I am able to see both sides of my family before
and after marriage together and realize how closely we are all
connected.

I have great memories of the joint family in the marredpally house as
well. I had lots people around me to help me .I remember the festivals
we all celebrated together. I learn't a lot about nurturing
relationships and how support gives strength. Both the Alladis and the
mamidipudis gave great importance to education, all of us discussing
various topics in the hall, it was never just idle gossip. It gave me
great pleasure and I loved participating and arguing and learning
other people's views on different issues be it about America or India,
or any other topic. It was also very challenging.

But now that I have come out of the joint family I also enjoy the
space I get now which was not there before. Individuality and privacy
were not part of the old system . Even now we all bond with each other
during festivals and important occasions but I am able to make my own
decisions. There are always merits and demerits in every system and I
am able to see them clearly now as I have experienced both.

I would like to mention as an exception Alladi Vasu mama's family and
write my feelings about them as I have bonded a lot with them from my
childhood days. They are a self-made family and each one had risen to
a very high level in the U.S. Although they lead an individualistic
life, I find them all bonding with each other and are so closely knit
that they ooze with so much of warmth and affection now.

I wish I saw that kind of closeness among the families in India as
well. The culture and scenario has changed a lot and people seem to
give importance to material values but relationships have become more
and more superficial. Its very sad. Vasu mama's family is truly an
exceptional case.

Nowadays when I go to a family function, I am amazed to see a large
group of nannies neatly dressed in colorful attires, each in charge of
one child. I cannot imagine a scene like that in the past when the
nanny system was scorned upon by the elders in the house. Only members
of the house looked after the children. Now the whole scenario is very
amusing.

But, I have always been for hiring nannies and even had them for my
children except to be ridiculed, but I am glad to see this shift now
and think it makes even more sense considering the fact that both
women and men have reached admirable positions in their professional
lives.

Recently, I am also able to see a correlation between the lifestyles
of the people in the u.s and the families in India. Perhaps values
change over time based on one's needs and we can no longer scorn at
things that we once looked down upon like the secluded lives of the
American families and their nannies, since we seem to be emulating
them.

I wish we could emulate the American's latest culture of celebrating
birthday parties where they choose few charity institutions and
whatever gift a person wishes to give the birthday child they put it
in the charity box. why people borrow only the negative aspects of a
country I don't understand.

Janaki